is your mom at the bar?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
