I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
