she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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