I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
