you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
