he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
