Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
