I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i think my cat just said my name.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
