I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
