So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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