She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize