So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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