i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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