she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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