we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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