Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
