I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
