I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
