My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
