The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
