just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
