well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
