Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
