oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
