I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
