she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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