Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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