ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
