You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
