she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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