Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize