It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
