Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
