An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
