We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize