whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're like the curious george of whores
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
