Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
