guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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