Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hippo gnu deer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
