god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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