I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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