Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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