Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize