This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
