I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
