I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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