Non-Jews are for practice
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize