so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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