fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
