he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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