And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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