Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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