So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
