I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
