We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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