i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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