a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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