last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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