Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
