He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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