If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
