singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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