Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
