her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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