i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
