I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
