that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
