Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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