i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
