My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
