I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
