Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
