i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Terrible idea I love it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
