Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My vagina just recognized that song.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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