hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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