it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
