i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize