I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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