his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
