The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Randomize
