I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
