I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
