I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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