you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
