Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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