he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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