they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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