Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
