ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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